matter.

When you finally realize you didn’t matter to someone, you begin to wonder if you matter to anyone.

Nowadays.

I just wanna curl up in a ball and cry nowadays. This is not how I wanted things to go.

Day-old Coffee.

So there you are, lost in your own translation. I’m not sure if you believe yourself anymore, or if you’re just trying really, really hard to get me to believe you. I don’t know how to help you anymore. You’ve closed yourself off from me and have made yourself unreachable. We talk, as we always do, about this and that and those little things we’ve learned to mindlessly consume time over. Yet, there you are – unreachable. I make my conversational power-blast moves trying to pry you open, yet on the other side of this door, there is no answer. Perhaps you’ve gone numb, or conceivably I’ve finally learned to move on without your secrets and let go of the string I once held tightly with the gritted fists I called “caring”. So there we sit with words between us: two strangers laughing over the cups of coffee we’ve ordered to fill up the time and space with meaning, as though, if the people around us are doing this, it must be normal. Someone failed to mention the silence in normal. No one shone the light onto the loneliness of company.
Oh well..
You crack your jokes about some late-night television interview you heard, and I paint a political map in your mind tracing back the latest news from the White House and regurgitating headlines from MSNBC. We’re used to this. It’s comfortable here. I give you my trusting hand; you give me your insecure hand. And like this, for many hours of countless nights, we tango something more bitter than sweet. The romance of our friendship has faded and our time together tastes like day-old coffee. We drink it nonetheless because we’re dependent upon our caffeine fix, but it tastes like shit, no matter what your attempt to revive the black, muddy concoction. It goes down like sludge, but it  seems to get you through the day.

The road.

I feel the same. Yet everything has changed.

“Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
There’s still time to change the road you’re on.”

Bound.

Unpaint my skin,
I am nothing but a meer wooden child.

The lull and tranquility of this nostalgia
Is nothing but a carefree twine wrapped around the dark of my heart.

Ten things I love about us.

10. i love the way your eyes shimmer when you’re really happy. i’ve never been able to see it up close but i know what you’re thinking and i’m hoping its of me.  09. i love the way we always seem to be able to read eachothers minds. we have the same likes and dislikes and thoughts thats revolve around eachother. i love the way i can be myself without worrying about losing you. 08. i love the way you make me feel good about myself without even having to speak. you say it best when you say nothing at all. 07. i love how we can smile and just know that it means we care and that it makes us happy. 06. i love being able to tell you anything without having to worry about what you will think or say. i loved it when i told you about how sometimes i wanted to die, and how you said i should just do it, knowing i wouldnt even try it in the first place. 05. i love the way you speak to me. like i’m the most important person in the world. i love how you seem to never be able to get enough of me; how when i wish on 11:11 i don’t have to wish for happiness anymore. i guess wishes do eventually come true. 04. i loved the way you would tell me about your cat. “the dick named mickey” 03. i love how my stomach flutters, waiting for you to talk to me. it sucks, but it lets me know that this is real. i love how you feel the same. 02. i love how you always tell me how i make you feel. how i solve your problems and how you can’t wait to see me. i loved the way you said things. especially the really cheesey things. it’s really corny, but i love it. 01. and last, but defintely not least, i love the way you already know this, but you still had to hear me say it.

 

Throwing stones.

I wish to be the woman who does not say too much but lets you say everything. I wish I could be silent and still like the waters of a pond, and you, you would be the kid who sits on the edge of it throwing stones on my surface, making noise inside of me.

The girl.

I’m the girl who prefers one rose instead of a dozen . I’m the girl who would rather stay in on a friday night than go to a wild party with random strangers. I’m the girl who wouldn’t make you wait on her hand and foot, but would do anything to make you happy. I’m the girl who would enjoy having a movie night than going to some fancy restaurant. I’m the girl who would rather stay up all night sharing secrets than going out and getting drunk. I’m the girl who won’t make you hold her bag, but would rather hold your hand. I’m the girl who will love you more than anyone can possibly dream of. I’m the girl who would give the world to see you smile.
♥

Love’s mind.

Love seems to have a mind of its own. It comes into your life whenever it pleases; slips under the radar, takes you by surprise and introduces you to a world of new emotions. I can’t even begin to explain how magical it all is. There is an underlying meaning to it all, there is something about you that i can’t shake. My mom once told me that you’ll date guys, say you’re in love with them and all that but one day there will be one guy (THE guy) that completely trumps all the ones before him. She said that you’ll “just know”. That’s how i feel..i just know something but i dont know what yet. Its frustrating but so interesting at the same time. All i know is that i’ve never been this happy, and i never want that feeling to go away; i know that as long as i’m with you..it never will.

“It doesn’t make sense to me, that’s why I trust it.”- Unknown

Acts.

Some acts cannot be avoided when stripped of choice.